


Tried my best

by warlock_enthusiast



Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 23:03:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warlock_enthusiast/pseuds/warlock_enthusiast
Summary: A moment of realization in the middle of a fight





	Tried my best

_Blood. Death. So much death. Power. Strength tearing her apart. Coursing through her veins. A voice offering her control and a whole word crumbling beneath her feet._

Alhana screamed. Something, someone, lurked beneath her skin and pulled at her soul. She felt her trembling limbs, saw her own body fight against it. Red blinded her vision and a taste of blood lingered on her tongue. No. It wasn’t her. She didn’t want his cruel gifts and magic.

Lathander help her.

“My lady Alhana? Is everything alright.” Fingers touched her, tightly clutched her hand. She knew him. Always smelling of leather and oil. Always so damn righteous and arrogant. Always, always… him.

“Leave me.” Alhana’s voice cracked. “You have to leave me alone.” She screamed. Her head felt like being split in two and her heart raced and was ready to burst. Another wave of pain ran through her. 

Alhana pushed Anomen away and tried to stand up. Her legs had stopped working and she pressed her short nails into the palm of her hand. It left marks on her skin.

Her screams woke up everyone. 

She saw Jaheira at the edge of her vision, unsure of how to handle her friend’s behaviour and Viconia, ready to fight her. Minsc with a flail in his hands and Aerie’s face drained of all color. They needed to fear her and strike the killing blow, if she lost control again. She shouldn’t be allowed to live.

Anomen was the one, who moved closer, arms hovering in the air between them like he didn’t know what to do with them. “I can’t leave you alone. You’re not yourself, Alhana.”

She needed some space, some air, something to drink. Her prayers went unheard by Lathander. Alhana could hardly blame him. He was everything bright and peaceful, the Morninglord, and she chose to follow him so many years ago. Back then, Alhana had trust in herself. 

She’d been so naive.

And weak.

“You think I haven’t noticed that? Try walking around with a part of a fucking god of death inside your head.” They were coming to a close. She felt it. His voice grew louder and her dreams of him more vibrant.

Anomen’s voice seemed steady but missing his usual pomp. “I can’t and I will never understand your nightmares, but please, talk to me.”

“I said, leave me alone.” Alhana cursed her body. It felt to weak and wouldn’t listen to her commands. She knelt on the ground, slightly moving back and forth. 

He came even closer. “I won’t.”

“You need to be scared of me.” Alhana licked her dry lips. Her voice lacked strength.

Anomen put his arms around her, forcing her head to rest against his broad chest. She felt his heartbeat beneath her skin. He wasn’t wearing his armor. Such a fool. “I am and I am not. I’ve seen you fighting him day and night and I’ve slain dragons at your side, my lady. I have faith in your will and your courage.”

“I have none.” Alhana was afraid to move. So close to him, she felt his warmth and smelled some wine on his breath. This was different to their flirting and his humble attempts at declaring his romantic interest. 

He touched a scar on her cheek. “I don’t believe that.”

She took a deep breath. Her body seemed to be hers again and Bhaal’s whispers nothing more than a faint echo. Alhana found herself surprised as tears ran down her face. She hadn’t cried since leaving Candlekeep. 

It felt a lifetime ago.

“You know what’s even sillier than me crying in front all of you?” Alhana looked up to find Anomen’s face close to hers.

“No, Alhana, I don’t.”

She shook her head, surprised about how soft Anomen’s tunic felt beneath her touch. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you.”

“Guess what?” Sobs blurred Alhana’s words. “I failed.”

A minute passed. 

Anomen pulled her closer. “Then I have failed too.”


End file.
